Love is All You Need

This summer, I worked as a mentor for middle school girls at a youth achievement program.  It was a really fun job, and I loved getting to know so many people! The job application process required us to write two essays describing why we wanted to work for the program.  I spent a lot of time on mine, and they are very personal to me.  For my blog post this week, (sorry, it has been a long time!) I combined and edited my essays.  I really wanted to share with everyone my personal struggle as a young girl, and the great things that came out of that. Like I said to my girls, "Life is like photography; you need the negatives to develop!" I know this week's entry is all touchy-feely, but it is my blog after all!  Here's to hoping everyone had as great of a summer as I did.

It is always said that middle school is a torturous time in a person’s life.  My adolescence was no different.  When I was in eighth grade, I felt completely and utterly lost. All of my friends essentially abandoned me, and my self-confidence spiraled into the ground.  My insecurity led me to view myself as the ultimate victim of misfortune. Negativity dominated my vocabulary; stupid, ugly, and pathetic were descriptive adjectives I frequently employed.   Pining for the half-hearted compliments of my peers, I equated pity with the love of real, mutual friendships because I could not discern the difference.  It took years to realize how flawed my thinking was, and how much more productive I could have been if I had chosen to adopt a more positive outlook on life, and on myself.   Struggling to maintain good relationships in middle school was excruciating, but it also made me extraordinarily thankful of the wonderful people I befriended in years following. I have experienced God’s love to me in the friendships I have now.  He is there in laughter and smiles, encouragements and compliments, and in the sincerities of true companionships. God rained blessings down upon me when He placed so many faithful, loving, and compassionate friends in my life.  I pray that the same gift of friendship I have received can also be afforded to others.

I think youth are particularly fearful of solitude.  While spending time in personal reflection and prayer is essential, so too is the love and affection we experience with others.  Young adolescents especially need to have a strong network of kind and loyal friends to help them navigate the difficult paths of school, peer pressure, relationships and transition.  In reality, building real and meaningful friendships does not come easily.  My relationships in middle school suffered because I was so invested in convincing people to like me that I forgot to be a present and caring friend. I blamed everyone else for my own shortcomings.  My parents gave me advice that undoubtedly changed my life for the better.  My dad suggested that I ask other people questions about themselves, and get to deeply know others as much as possible.  Focusing conversations on another person encouraged me to become more selfless and giving of myself, and thus strengthened all of my bonds. My mom recommended that I pray for the people that I felt had excluded me or rejected me as a friend. At times, it was challenging to ask God to bless those who had brought me pain, but I was astounded at how much peace and resolve I felt.  Little by little, my relationships with others began to assemble or reassemble.  When I finally let go of all of the reasons I felt betrayed or victimized, I saw all of the gifts God had bestowed upon me.  His love had been there all along, but I was blinded by my obstinacy. Now, I am so grateful for His presence in my life.

In reflecting on my previous experiences, I realize that life does not have to be so traumatic for all young people.  So often we accept that growing up is difficult, and therefore nothing can be done to ease this passage into adulthood. I truly believe that if we can learn to love and respect ourselves, even in environments where insecurity runs rampant, the world would shine a lot brighter.  I don’t know who is reading this, and I am deeply impressed you made it all the way to the end, but I want to inspire you to say a pray for the young ones.  Their every day rests in uncertainty and a desire for acceptance, but they forget how loved they truly are.  It is up to us to be an example for the generations following of confidence, positivity, and unconditional love.   

An Ode to the Parental Figures

I truly am the perfect child.  Somehow, I am never home for this critical week that is stacked with family events.  My mother’s birthday, father’s day, and their anniversary all fall within the same block of time.  And I am always far away, enjoying speech nationals, or Chicago, or the extreme socialization for which I am renowned.  Sometimes life moves far too quickly, and I forget to be thankful for one of God’s greatest gifts: my parents.  As an example of what a gem I am of a daughter, yesterday I wished my mom a happy birthday. At three in the morning. So I guess at that point it really wasn’t even her birthday anymore. Oops. Anyway, I am writing this blog post now as a reflection of how awesome my parents are, and how truly glad I am to have both of them in my lives.  I now present to you three reasons why I am an incredibly lucky daughter. (There are more, but I will spare you.)

Reason 1: I never realized how rare my family dynamic was until very recently. 

            An article on law firm McKinely Irvine’s website states that in America, one divorce happens every 13 seconds.  Divorce is a very real and traumatic experience; I am beyond fortunate to have a mother and a father who are still together.  Their love provides a perfect example for me as I set sail on my journey to adulthood.   McKinely Irvine also asserts that the children of happily married couples are 14% less likely to get divorced.  A smaller percentage than I anticipated, but nonetheless, I feel that the goodness of their marriage has given me the tools to be successful in all of my relationships. 

Reason 2:  I thank God every day that I have not one, but two amazing parents.  Too often I forget how blessed I am to have parents that are actually present in my life.  I have a mom that devotes so much of her time to me, be it through a phone call or a shopping excursion, or watching a silly TV show together.  Moms are characterized with the tasks of cleaning and cooking and whatnot, and my mom does all that, but she also makes an effort to spend time bonding with me.  She is not only a caregiver, but also someone I can always confide in; someone I know has my best interests at heart.  How awesome is that? And as if that was not enough, God gave me a loving father who works hard all day to provide for my family, and then comes home every night to be with us.  I can say with supreme confidence that my mom, Sam, Christopher, and I have been given innumerable gifts and opportunities due to my Dad’s strong work ethic and compassionate nature.  Amidst his business, we still have many a late night chat, one of my favorite things! To have two devoted parents is something for which I am deeply grateful.

Reason 3:  My parents have an incredible ability to teach and forgive.

I am young, and I mess up. A lot. Yet somehow my parents find it in them to address my wrongdoings without making me feel like the spawn of Satan.  Their everyday actions are a constant example of how to be a better person, but they help me mature in so many other ways, also.  Since I was little, they have instilled in me a love of God and an appreciation of life.  I firmly believe my Catholic education has strengthened me as both a student and a human being.  Every step of the way, they helped me understand my faith and morality more deeply, taking time out of their days to talk, console, and give advice.  Without their kind and thoughtful words of encouragement, I would be greatly remiss. Even when I did act like a little sass-master and disregard their rules, they still treated me with love and respect.

I recognize this blog post is rather dull for those of you who are used to my words of a more random and bizarre nature. However, I felt it was necessary to bestow upon them the often un-expressed gratitude I feel every day.  To my parents: thank you so very much for all that you do! For everyone else: don’t forget where you come from.  Your parents are a part of you, and they gave you the gift of life! So come up with your own reasons as to why your parents rock! It is easy to pile up all the negative aspects of our familial relationships, but there is much love and happiness alive in them as well.  Hold onto that.

Whimsically,

Katie

What I've Learned in College So Far....

Fun fact about me: I have two younger brothers, and both of them are graduating! One is graduating from middle school, and the other from high school.  As the oldest child, I feel as if I have been the guinea pig on the spinning wheel of life; I just keep running, and hope that I am moving forward.  The realization that my brother, Sam, is making the great transition into college has primarily caused me to freak out, but also reflect on what sisterly advice I can impart to him.  I pray that my siblings can learn from my experiences as the first born, and make new mistakes instead of repeating mine.   Hopefully, I can pave the way for them.

So here it is, Samuel Paul.  Here is everything I wish someone had told me before I went to college.  Or, more accurately, things people did tell me, but I wasn’t listening. 

  1.Just because you’re in college does not mean you have to party.

I know the stereotype… the keg parties and wild ragers, living life on the edge, and the nightly shenanigans that always end in a haze.  The media, your peers, and even those you look up to will not only hold this to be true, but also celebrate it.  I hope you know that the values and goals attained in those four years at college extend far beyond beer pong.  Here is where you figure out the person God is calling you to be, and you decide where you want your life to go.  The partying lifestyle is fun and exciting, but it does not build your character. In fact, I guarantee that the happiness you find in true friendships, real experiences, and honest achievements will last much longer. Trust me… there are plenty of people who lead wonderful, exciting lives, without getting wasted.  Look for yourself in the activities you pursue, not in the bottom of your seventh beer can.  Think not of what “everyone else is doing,” but of what you are doing. Your best memories are the ones you actually remember. 

  2.Find common ground.

In college, you are given a fresh start.  And so is everyone else.  All of you are looking to find brand new friends, and it is easy to loose yourself in the masses.  Do not forget the things that make you happy; be it soccer, or Jenga club, or ridiculous music.  Keep in mind these interests, and join related clubs on campus, or in the area. Not only will you enjoy doing your favorite activities, but you will also meet other people who partake in those same hobbies.  It sounds so obvious, but I have encountered many a lonely person who was afraid to branch out.  Even if you don’t find something you enjoy right away, an open mind and a perseverant heart will lead you to good people.  Eventually, something will just stick!

  3.Work hard, and plan ahead.

True statement: college is harder than high school.  Truer statement: At first it will seem easier.  I was shocked at how few assignments I had in my first semester of college.  High school is all about busy work, with a large number of projects, tests, and homework to boost your grades.  This is no longer the case.  In college, the few test grades and assignments you do have are worth far more points.  You must consistently turn in high-quality work, because you do not get second chances. Teachers are not there to sprinkle fairy dust and rainbows on all of your work; they tirelessly expect the best from you.  Keep track of your assignments and allow yourself the proper time to get them done. At the beginning of every semester, I put all of my future test dates and project deadlines into my iPhone calendar.  This way, I can anticipate the busiest times and manage my schedule accordingly.  The college course load is a lot easier if you plan ahead. 

  4. …But also take a chill pill!

I don’t really have to tell you twice to enjoy yourself in college.  But seriously, do not get so bogged down that you have no time to relax. I have made the mistake of getting too busy, and it is miserable.  Plan your class schedule with time to spare.  I can guarantee you’ll need it.  I cherished the hour I got to watch Dance Moms every week because it was not only bonding time with my roommates, but it allowed me to rest for a while.  It is perfectly acceptable to take some time out to do things for yourself.  It will keep you sane.

  5. EXPLORE.

You will hear time and time again about how you “discover yourself” in college.  Part of this means trying new things.  Do things that scare you, but not things that endanger you.  Some degree of fear is healthy, and in expanding your comfort zone you will learn so much about the world around you.  Go to that program your school is holding about Japanese dance styles.  Take that class on silent film.  Eat a samosa.  (Find out what a samosa is.) Your school offers all of these different and unique opportunities in hopes that you will seize them. Education goes much farther than the number of credit hours you take a semester.  The more you know and experience, the more well-rounded and interesting you become as an individual.  Plus, the more information you intake, the more creative you will be! And we all know creativity is the spice of life. 

  6.You are what you eat.
   Ramen, cheap and easy, is a college student’s best friend.  Yet do you really want to be identified as “cheap and easy?” Really though, junk food is horridly enticing, but you will regret it later when you feel like crap and cannot focus.  The healthier your food choices, the better you’ll feel.  This directly affects how successfully you perform in school.  So think twice the next time you pop those noodles in the microwave. Real chicken is far superior to chicken seasoning, and your body will thank you.  Also, be grateful of your meal plan while you still have it; there will come a time when you must fend for yourself in the hungriest of Hunger Games. 

  7.R-E-S-P-E-C-T- Find out what it means to you.

As pervasive as the partying scene is in college, so too is the hookup culture.  I cannot stress this enough: AVOID AT ALL COSTS.  Sure, everyone likes to tell you it is all about having fun and none of it matters, but it does.  Feelings are involved in one way or another.  Maybe you hook up with someone who sees nothing of it, but deep down, you are feeding her insecurity.  Remember that every girl is worth talking to, and so is discovering the beauty that lies in her personality, her thoughts, and her sense of humor.  Hooking up is easy; it requires little self-control or respect of boundary.  But to truly know someone for who they are is a beautiful and admirable thing. Anybody can partake in the hookup culture, but it takes a very strong individual to see and want something above this.  I hope you are a man that can not only celebrate a woman’s choice to put her heart, mind, and soul before her body, but also live up to these standards as well.  Do not simply respect another’s limits, but set high limits for yourself. You will be much rewarded in the long run, I promise you.  Keep in mind that, like with the food example, you get what you are.  If you act like a gentleman, you'll end up with the woman of your dreams.  

  8.Take time for God.

Prayer not only improves your relationship with God, but is also helps you grow as a person. Write in a journal, go to church, go to other prayer services, run outside, do whatever makes you feel closer to God.  We all experience our spirituality in different ways, and the sooner you unlock the methods which best suit you, the better off you’ll be.  Think of it this way: going through life without God, you are only disadvantaged.  In closeness with Him, you better understand your call, and also have a great source of comfort in troubling times.  I have often read, “If God leads you to it, he will lead you through it.” Be patient, and be dedicated.  His plan for you will be revealed with time, but it will be a lot clearer if you are ready to accept it. 

  9. Do not get a tattoo on your ass.
      It makes literally no sense, and I cannot believe I even have to put that in here.  From afar, a butt tattoo will look like some sort of insect or disease.  Not only this, but it will merely serve as a constant reminder to how much an idiot you were.  Don’t be “that guy with the ass tattoo.”  You are much cooler than that.  Even a peace sign tattoo on your arm would be more acceptable.

  10. Share your talents with the world.

God made all people with wonderful and unique talents.  We are not the same, nor should we strive to be the same as everyone else.  Take pride in the things you do well, and look for opportunities to use your talents.  The more you share your gifts, the greater your skills will become.  These talents will lead you to innumerable opportunities, both in the business world and your personal life.  Make a name for yourself, and live up to that name.   People often look to me to make posters or paintings for them because they know I am artistic.  You can have that same success if you are confident in your abilities. 

Now go out, and set the world on fire! I believe in you 100%!

Love, your big sister,

Katie :)