A Traumatic Tuesday

Hello friends! I hope your year is going as swimmingly as mine.  Actually, I hope your year is going far more swimmingly, as I have been riding a roller coaster of epic proportions.  Don't get me wrong: I love my life, and everything that comes with being a busy college student with a social agenda as long as my to-do list.  However, my life is anything but stable.  Random meetings, surprise assignments, and invitations to fancy events seem to befall me at any moment.  If there's one thing I've learned so far, it's that life is beautifully unpredictable.  If there's another thing I've learned, it's that when everything goes wrong, sometimes all you can do is laugh.  This principle was proved to me on the morning of April 1st, which in retrospect, is funny in a "slip and fall on a banana peel" kind of way.  To set the scene, I had an enormous research paper due this day in my Art and the Catholic Tradition class.  Side note: Who assigns a paper due on April 1st? That is asking for trouble, and at least a small degree of heartbreak, in my opinion.  But that was the day we had to turn in our 12-14 page paper with bibliography and a list of illustrations.  I had a lot going on in the time period proceeding this sad misadventure, and had been working tirelessly in my random pockets of time to complete my research paper.  Which means I spent a lot of time on Facebook and watching Youtube videos. Monday night, I was on page 11, and I felt like this was good enough to warrant a peaceful slumber.  In the morning, I set to work to finish my paper.  This included the classic college slacking techniques of font manipulation and adding block quotations.  I had to turn in my paper at 1:00 PM, at the beginning of class.  I finished working at 12:33, threw on a hoodie, and ran off to print my paper.  Unfortunately, and I suppose this makes problem #1, the printer in my apartment has rejected the color black, forcing me to seek printing services from the big bad library.  The rest of my day went as follows:

12:45: Get to the IC (library), out of breath from running, slighting panicked about being late for class, yet still optimistic that it might work out.
12:46 Log onto desktop computer.  It is frozen.  Log onto new computer after several failed attempts to type in my password.
12:47 Pull up email.  Panic at absence of research paper in my inbox.
12:47 Pull out laptop and try to send email again.  Laptop is crashing at the weight of 100 million tabs, applications, and documents open.  (I have no self-control when it comes to my laptop)
12: 49 Still loading. Apprehension ensues.
12: 50 Finally my email inbox pops up, and I quicky resend the email with my paper attached.
12:51 I receive three emails containing my paper on the desktop computer.  Great.
12: 51 After opening the email, I realize that I do not have a title page.
12:52 I pull up Microsoft Word and come up with a really basic title like Mary and Art. Creativity takes time; I can't always have fun titles like "The Secret Life of a Gossip Girl in the City"
12:54 I accept defeat and send the paper to the printer.  I realize I have no printing funds.
12:55 I go online and deposit money to my ID for printing.  Intense panicking leads to many struggles in this department.  I enter my credit card number numerous times, and cannot understand why my card keeps getting rejected.  After some reflection and prayer, it dawns on me that I never specified my card was Visa.  Oops. Finally I have enough printing funds to pay for a paper that I know will cost about $570,000 dollars because of its massive size.
12:57: I run over to the printer to print my cover page and research paper.  I am about to scan my ID when I remember that I need to send my paper to the color printer because the list of illustrations need to be in color.  After receiving the cover page, I return to my computer to send the paper to the color printer on the second floor.
1:02 I run up the stairs to print my paper.  More panicking.  Why won't my password work?  The horrible realization that I had put in the wrong password sunk it.  Back to the computer.
1:04 I return to my computer (thank God nobody had taken it) and sent it to print for the third time.
1:05 I run upstairs again, and have success with the colored printer.  I incorrectly believe that I can relax, and that a sigh of relief.  I go to the help desk to use the stapler.  It is defunct.  Several failed stapling attempts later, I am a bit of an emotional wreck.  My beautiful paper is severed by multiple awkward metal accoutrements, none of which are actually holding anything together. I remember my professor specifically pointing out how essential staples are.  The poor desk receptionist recommends I use the first floor stapler.
1:06 Downstairs I go, and the first floor stapler is less than ideal.  A couple of staples in (My paper is beginning to look like a middle schooler with some serious orthodontia) and finally it is somewhat secure.
1:07 I run to class, hugging my paper like a sick child in need of hospital care.  The wind is enough to blow me over and take "Mary and Art" with it.  But I prevail.
1:11 I am late to class, but at least I showed up.  I am disheveled, to put it nicely.  To put it accurately, most dogs and babies would be fearful of my sleep-deprived style.
1:12 Professor asks me to comment on the architecture of the Sistine Chapel. Unable to form coherant words, I tell her it "looks dark in there" Awesome, Katie.
1:12- end of day.  I honestly cannot remember what happened after this.


Even though this past Tuesday was one of the most unpredictably traumatic days of my life, I am still so glad that it happened.  The only reaction I could muster up after such a literal series of unfortunate events was to laugh.  And I truly believe that, amidst all of my struggles, God was laughing too.  It is days like Tuesday that teach me to always be thankful for my wonderful life, regardless of the road bumps or dysfunctional staplers along the way.

Sky Mall Magazine: An In-Depth Look

In tune with the holiday season, I have done quite a bit of traveling lately.  My fellow readers will be pleased to note that finally, for the first time in what seems like my entire life, my flight out of O'hare did not get delayed. Not even for an hour. With a newfound freedom of daytime flying, I was able to achieve so much more than a grumpy nap with a jacket-turned-blanket and iPod shuffle.  I used my two and a half hours time and an abundance of natural light to my advantage by reading the Sky Mall magazine from cover to cover.  I know I will not be the first, or the last, person to say this, but there really is a lot of bizarre and worthless crap between those pages.  Following the typical Katie fashion, I comprised a list of the ten worst things in the Sky Mall magazine, as well as the three best products.

1. Lip Enhancers:

Basically they are little tubey apparatuses that you put on your lips to make them look fuller.  Now maybe I'm just cynical because I have no need for these things, but how is this supposed to work?  Either you'd be permanently set in the duck face, or have a charming red imprint in your skin.  I don't understand.

2. Travel Hoodie Pillow

I wish I was kidding. Who would want to wear this? While I agree that neck pillows can be comfortable and therapeutic, that does not mean they can be used a hip fashion accessory.  A hood is usually a sign of mystery or bad-assedness, but the pillow kills all hope for those dreams coming true.  In the words of Princess Mia in my favorite movie of all time, "If I'm not enough of a freak, let's add a tiara!" Or, more appropriately, "If I don't look like enough of a freak in a neck pillow, let's add a hood!" Perhaps this style could be appropriate in theatrical costuming. I am sure Darth Vader would love a hoodie-pillow; I cannot imagine anyone would want to sleep in that helmet all night.  In any case, this weird contraption will definitely turn everyone's head, except for the wearer.  They are pretty restricted by the plush horse-blinders.

3. NetChef

This is a digital archive of recipes and tutorials, and it allows you to share your cooking wisdom via social media.  NetChef would be really cool, if laptops did not exist.  Not only is this thing hideous, but extraordinarily unnecessary.  I looked it up online to see the reviews, and there weren't any.  I presume this is because nobody wants to pay $300 dollars for a machine they already have.

4. One of a Kind Shirt

Oh my.  This product is cool in theory, but judging by the catalogue pictures, it will be abused.  I would love to live in a world were one chooses cool fabrics that work together to make an shirt that is both interesting and aesthetically pleasing.  Unfortunately, I know far too well that the One of a Kind shirt service will simply be a vehicle to make hideous mens' shirts that end up in the back rooms of thrift stores, thanks to the pleading of angry wives everywhere. This button-down is only appropriate for a clown convention.  Seriously, save my eyes from this visual trauma.

5. Grimlock Costume Hoodie

No adult should be wearing this.  Halloween is the one exception. I pray to God that there is not a high demand for this. I think a dinosaur-head hood is even more dysfunctional than the hoodie pillow. NO.

6. Cami Wraps Bra pocket

You clip these to your bra and then put crap in it.  As a female, I understand the pain the accompanies the absence of pockets on skirts, dresses, and even pants.  That being said, THIS IS NOT A SOLUTION.  I don't know any woman that wants to look like they have a lumpy uniboob.  And especially one in Pink Skeleton or Love and Kisses.  I honestly feel sad for anyone who has purchased on of these.  This is for all the ladies out there: you are not a pack mule! You deserve better than to pile your phone, keys, and lipstick in your frontal region like a human kangaroo.  Even a fanny pack would be better.

7. Men's Fingerprint Crew T-Shirt

You know the model in the photo is only wearing this because he was paid to.  Who really wants a shirt with their unique fingerprint on it? It looks like everyone else's fingerprint.  And it is really stupid.

8. Mathematical Expressions Clock

Ok.  Telling time is already hard enough.  WHY MAKE IT WORSE WITH MATH?  I recognize I might be alone in my opinion because some people like math, but this is actually my worst nightmare.  Telling time should be quick and efficient, not a mental challenge. I am Katie, and I understand exactly 0% of this clock.

9. Mounted Squirrel Head

 I'll admit, a small part of me kind of wants this because it is so weird, but let's face it, this is SO WEIRD.  It doesn't even look that much like a squirrel, and I get the feeling that the target audience for this product is serial killers and adult children living in their parents' basements.  The only decor that a mounted squirrel head would go with is... well, I actually cannot think of anything...

10. This cat t-shirt

This is a close-up on a cat t-shirt I found in the magazine. This shirt is the physical manifestation of hitting rock bottom. Those featured on My Strange Addiction undoubtedly have the above cat shirt, in several colors.  I am actually upset that people buy this.  Cat obsessors, GO OUTSIDE.

I never like to leave things hanging on a bad note, so I included some of my favorite items in Sky Mall as well.

1. Sippy Wine Glass

An adult spin on an old classic.  You have to admit this is kind of awesome and hilarious.  It's nice to have a sippy when you're getting a little tippy.

2. Harry Potter Remote Control Wand

This has so much going for it.  First off, Harry Potter is awesome.  And Secondly, it's magic for muggles! Just like every boy and girl of the Generation HP, I was saddened when I did not receive a letter to attend Hogwarts.  But with this nifty invention, I can still feel like a member of wizarding world.  And finally, the lazy college student in me delights at any excuse to stay on the couch.

3. Bug Vacuum Hand-Held Electronic Insect Trap

WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE HAVE THIS? Honestly, if someone wants to get me one of these for Christmas, I would be very grateful.  Yes, I realize this is very similar to a regular vacuum, but if you've ever had a spider on your ceiling, you know why this invention is crucial.  I like that you can keep your distance, while still eliminating those eight-legged demons.  And it kind of looks like a light saber, which is cool.
So, there you have it.  I perused SkyMall, so you don't have to.  Think of it as SparkNotes: Shopping edition.  Have Merry Christmas, everyone!

Whimsically,
Katie

Katie at the Airport

I legitimately have the worst track record with travel... Every time I try to leave Chicago,  my plane is delayed do to some bizarre occurrence, like a colonial women churning butter on the wing of an incoming flight. In looking for the positives, I tend to view this struggle as a sign from God that I should stay in Chicago. This is founded on the fact that I am only ever delayed in departure from this beloved city. Rarely, if at all, have I been thwarted in my attempts to get here. Personally, I'd rather just stay here, but my presence is sometimes requested in other areas of America. Indeed, i am beginning to feel like Eloise from those cute books I read as a child. Except instead of the Plaza, my domain is O'hare International Airport. Sitting here, wasting time in the airport, I have begun to reflect on all the ways I waste time in the airport. For your reading pleasure, I have compiled a list. These are the Top 20 Ways I Waste Time at the Airport:

1. Writing Blog posts about how I waste time at the airport 

2. Seeing how long I can go without getting up to go to the bathroom, get food, or buy a magazine

3. Discretely Listening to people's phone conversations 

4. Smiling at cute babies 

5. Picking a random word, like rutabaga, and saying it over and over again until it has no meaning 

6. Looking for the airport chapel

7. Conversing with the cashiers at those little newsstand places 

8. Watching the news. Well, more like reading the subtitles, since the tv is always on mute, until I can no longer take it. (This usually lasts around 5-51/2 minutes.) 

9. Determining if there are any secret scandals going on between the pilots and the flight attendants

10. Watching people's stuff while they go to the bathroom. ... Do I look like someone who is particularly trustworthy and reliable? (I suppose there are far worse things) 

11. Struggling with my mountainous mass of heavy things, once I give up on staying in my seat. (I trust no one.) 

12. Sending embarrassing snapchats of my face. ... Actually, I do that all the time 

13. Reading all the magazines at the newsstand, but committing to none of them. I'm a poor college student, ok! 

14. Reflecting on ways the airport could be more interesting. A movie theater, bowling alley, library, gym, and city hall would be great additions. (I basically live here anyway)

15. Looking for cute boys. 

16. Becoming frustrated at the lack of cute boys 

17. Buying strange foods I've never tried. Or at least considering the purchase of said foods 

18. Mentally rating the outfits of people walking by

19. Commiserating with my fellow travelers about our delayed flighted-ness*

20. Watching the sunset. And then rise several hours later, wondering how I spent so much of my life sitting in this slightly uncomfortable black patent leather chair. 

*don't judge my brilliant word creations